How long?

How long have I been staring into the chasm? Willing it to become less dizzying? I have no idea. How long have I been stalling the moment I'll have to jump and embrace the void? I have no idea. How long have I wasted away living on the safe side, because I was too afraid of the chaos? I still have no idea. How long will I stand here, uncertain, fearful? 'Not for long.' I hear a voice inside my head. It wasn't there before, I remember. It's so small, just a whisper, crushed by the other, louder ones. Yet there's hope in it, and a promise. Should I believe it though? I'm doubtful as ever, thinking through and through. Because promises can be broken, hope extinguished. 'Not if you believe.'  It's that voice again, stronger, louder than the last time, making its way through the treacherous voices, silencing them one by one. My fears are fading, if only a little. It's not much, but it's something. I catch that small flicker of hope in my palm, I won't let it go, not this time. I let my heart believe I'll make that jump one day. Not today, no; but some other day, I will. Today, I just gaze into the chasm, again, but with a smile on my face, and with light in my eyes.

~ Madhura Thangan ( Instagram: @madhurathangan )

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