I Wish I Could Carry the Sun in My Shoulder Bag. 

Updated: Apr 19, 2020

It's dark. Just dark. So what? But it hadn't been the same as it used to be. May be sign of demon.

Sometimes I feel like putting the SUN inside my shoulder bag and cross the threshold. May be Day has advantages for us. Dusk has its own black magic to conjure the demons who came from our wombs, the cannibals who have the temptation of eating our own skin from where they grown up.

It was a small road which I needed to measure before finding a share auto. Luckyly and unluckyly I had no option of getting out early from my batch. So it was late as per the so called term of my society who concern about me and my duppatta.

I had the fantasy that I was strong enough to handle anything.

Even it is a truth it won't work in all ways and always around ....right?

But the weakest DNA of mine..may be the another side of my society where I happened to believe that the development was in process peeled off its colour.

It was scary. Not about my life but about my Virginity. I can go in coffin but can't be alive in torn cloths with few wounds. I was scared of my own shadow. The day I realised how dangerous it was to believe that I belong to a place where everything was fine. I didn't get such fear even when I travelled in Valley, Land of Snow.

Today I am fine. But the fear which was shown by unknown to me that day has been haunting me. "Why it's me?" I ask myself often. "Why should I afraid?" Yet my father wants me to explore, why I sense a sip of fear in his voice when ever he calls and tries to get my whereabouts.

It's all fate or fact. How many books...how many debates.. how many poems.. still why this ?

You may think I am fine... Nothing happened.. but the fear of unknown.. I don't want the shit again in my life. Why should I?

It's just because I got my graduation and found a job to pay for myself. It's just because I have capability of doing batches extra time to earn extra. It's just beacuse I am wearing duppatta. Or it's just because I have skin which tastes better. It kills... Everyday..every minute. A Woman...

We all consider and care about the victims yet the fear of getting into the tag "victim" kills many dreams...many desires...many smiles...

When I got panic by seeing my own shadow, the norms were broken up into pieces that we were in the metropolitan city where opportunities were given equally.

What could be the worst thing when you saw the demon infront of you but escaped with memories that one day it would come for you. I don't know the exact day but now I am ready for it. To meet that demon which took the dare of my heart and mind.

Why should I think twice before stepping out? Why should I stand infront of the mirror to examine myself not to get filthy eyes? Why should I watch all the hands when I enter the crowded metro? WHY SHOULD I ?

No one can answer. Yet everyone knows the answer. Again the words will be turned into feministic theory. Again it may go as a lament of a random girl who has nothing to do but writing.

May be that day I would get scared but much I can say is that it would have its own bad story of meeting me. Face to face...eyes to eyes... I wish to fight back to tell myself that the world belongs to me too. Day or night... I have the rights to see the stars with wonder not with fearful eyes.

Sometimes I wish I could carry the sun in my Shoulder Bag. But I don't want now. There is no need as I already experienced the darkest side which showed the beautiful side of fear.

Let me do my routine... the day when I happen to meet the demon.......Chuckles!

Dedicated to every girl

Who has fear of unknown yet smiles with courage.

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